The Past

Tiana sat on her armchair counting her breaths on a mala while turning the thumb clockwise around each bead as the sun had completed its tour for yet another day. She was a woman in the autumn period of her span with deep wrinkled lines, grey hair and body gnarled like the limbs of ancient oak. Her eyes, over the years, had grown dull and cloudy as though she had seen too much suffering. The light of the dusk illuminated the balcony, and a gentle breeze whipped through the decorated blue curtains, swirling in the night air sending aroma of wet leaves after the dark rain early that afternoon.

“Madam, your tea along with mariegold is on the table,” Tansi said tearing open the sachet of green tea and mixing it with hot water. Tansi had been Tiana’s sole caretaker after the latter’s husband rested in peace six months ago.

“Eww, it taste disgusting! I had asked for ginger tea, miss?” she asked.

“Drink it, you need to take your medicines thereafter,” Tansi said, more interested in going through the journals rather than discussing about the flavour of tea.

The spine of the diary separated into pieces or fragments as she dropped it on the table. The pages were yellowed and had handwritten text, mostly hard to make out as the ink had blotched. The rats fed on the page, as evident from most of the pages with holes on them.

“What are those?” Tiana asked as she picked her cup of tea and brought closer to her mouth.

“I used to put in writing back in days. After marriage, I hardly had time. I guess, I should start again. Duh! The condition of these are terrible,” Tansi frowned as the pages remain disarranged.

“Tansi, do me a favour, read it aloud, if you please?” Tiana asked, looking at Tansi with raised eyebrows.

She took a page, a readable one, dated 30^th March.

I took a deep breath and smiled. “Hello. It’s good to see you again.”

He looked at me with amazement in his eyes. Then, after shaking his head slightly, he slowly began to smile. “Do you…erm, do you want to talk about what happened yesterday at the bar?” he fumbled for words.

He brought his hand to his chin, and I noticed he hadn’t shaved since sometime. “What about the kiss? Umm…and things got intimate, huh?”

“I...I did it because,” he stumbled.

“Yes, why?”

“I can’t do this, I can’t keep up this farce of friendship. I love you. I don’t care, if I had not met you earlier. You’re seeing someone else at this moment but I don’t care. I’ve fallen for your dimpled smile, I’ve fallen for our talks, and I’ve fallen for every moment I get to spend with you and left me wanting for more. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume. You are like magic to me. How do I explain to you?” he said looking straight to my eyes.

A deep silence prevailed. None of us spoke. We locked our eyes for a few moments.

“I don’t like you that way. You make me feel like a princess, you surely do. No one else has made me feel me so extraordinarily special. Your love came when I had given up on asking love to come. Most girls would kill for a lover like you, how I wish?” I said, my eyes wet.

“Are you happy with him?”

“Why do you keep on asking the same thing time and again? You know everything, don’t you? I want to give him a chance. I can’t leave him. I don’t see any future ahead of us, you are wasting your time”, I pushed him away.

 “And here I am already seeing you kissing on the mole in your right cheek, first thing in the morning years from now,” he chuckled, pointing at my mole. “Why are you shutting down your feelings for me? Whenever I am not doing anything, I think of you. Yes, I live you. Look through my eyes…”as he opened his mouth further I closed his lips with mine, “I am grateful Ritvik, you came to my life.”

A single tear rolled down her cheek as she read the remaining of the journals in silence.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Tiana said as she stared at her to get her attention.

 “No. Not by any means,” Tansi shrugged.

“Tansi dear, you remind me so much of my daughter.”

Tansi wasn’t affected by her words. She didn’t react, paying no heed to her.

“She is about as tall as you. She has long ebony shade hair, well at least when I saw her last,  skin the colour of peach, fiery eyes just like she got from her granny. Her voice is as high pitched sound as a flute, and her loud laughter sparkle like a splash of water in sunlight. She can never hate anyone, she was born to spread love. Oh! And she is as stubborn like you, self-willed, set in her own ways always. I miss her” Tiana said, taking a deep breath. She looked wounded.

“Madam, you have a daughter? I didn’t know about that. This is the first time you are talking about her,” Tansi gasped.

“Hmm. I haven’t seen or heard her for over a year now. She is ambitious, wanted to fly high like a bird in the sky. Ah! You bet she did. I am content, I can’t complain. She is with her family now, married a smart, well-settled boy of her choice. He love her. They got a little princess just like her,” she smiled.

“Does she know about your condition? Why didn’t you move along with her?”

“I am not sure of that, she knows or not. She is looking good with her family. I do not want to bother her. I like a simple living here. She is living a fast life and I’m not accustomed to that. She has flown far and someone here is paying the price of her wings,” Tiana exclaimed trying to catch her breath.

The room was clouded by dark mist that wouldn’t rise.

Tansi couldn’t see herself through this state. Tiana’s words hit her quite. She couldn’t straighten up or catch her breath entirely. She should have been crying, but she was too numb to even think about crying. She felt like her heart had been ripped out. She left the room.

It was getting late. Tansi was about to go down to bring back her daughter who was playing downstairs with her friends, just when the doorbell startled her. She unlocked the door.

“Mummy, why did you take so much time?” a ten year old little girl cried out. She was Tansi’s daughter, Aaliya. She was wearing a sundress, her hair was the colour of raven black and was tied in plaits. She was beautiful.

“I was arranging things, honey.”

“Mummy, you won’t believe who brought me home today?” Aaliya exclaimed in delight, as she was busy munching her chocolate.

To her shock, it was none other than Aaliya’s father, Ritvik. Tansi was left open-mouthed. She was shaken up.

“Aaliya, go to your room,” Tansi shouted.

“But!”

“I said, Go!”

“Tansi, listen to me!” Ritvik pleaded as Tansi shut the door. She sat down on the floor and broke down.

Few months ago

 “I’ve got a great job offer, I need to go to Singapore. Baby, we will be travelling next month.” Ritvik said in excitement.

“No I can’t come, we have been through this,” Tansi replied.

“Why?”

“You know the reason, already”

“No I do not know, please explain it to me. Please give me one reason why in this situation we shouldn’t leave for abroad”

“My father, he is no more, my mother, I can’t leave her, I need to go back to my place, and do I need to give more”

“But you going to leave me after everything? Why should we leave this opportunity?”

“You know the situation”

“Excuse me! Your mother is suffering from Alzheimer’s. She is not aware of you being her daughter. You didn’t visit them for over a year now. What difference does it make to her, whether it’s you or someone else? I will make sure, somebody take good care of her.”

“Why do you say that? It matters”

“Does she understand that you’re her daughter?”

“But I know she is my mother.”

“Is your daughter not important to you? Her future not important to you?”

“So? I grew up in the same place where my mother is now, and my daughter will have the same education I had.”

“Tansi, listen to me.”

“I’ve been with you, through all times, through your ups and downs, but my mother needs me now, I can’t leave her.” she continued, “You don’t need me. You need a muse”

“Tansi, are you out of your mind, this offer is really important to me. Please understand”

“Then go”

“What do you mean go?”

“Go, I can’t come, just because, leave it. I do not have to give up to you. I need to go back to my mother”

“What would you have done, had you gotten this job offer? Ritvik shouted in anger.

“If I ask you the same question, what would you have done, had you been in the same position as I am now? God forbid, if your parents are in the same place? Tansi uttered in disgust.

Tansi reflected on her life. Moments of her with Ritvik came back on her. She knew Ritvik had come back for her. She couldn’t bear the pain anymore only to open the door and call for him to stay with her again.

They stood before each other, silent and frozen.

“I thought you left,” Tansi exclaimed with tears in her eyes.

“Where will I go? I went to Singapore, yes. The mornings, the nights, the times was in my hands. But, without you, I neither see, nor think. A giant hole stayed in my heart. What good a life is, where I cannot have your love?”

“Don’t go now.”

“Why didn’t you say this before?”

“How are you?”

“I survived, yes! Lived, no!”

What all you made me go through, Tansi? Ritvik eyes said.

 “I’m sorry. When will we both understand?”

“Mrs Ritvik, I love you. Always have. Always will. I want to make up for the last time, I really do, and I love you. No matter which path I chose, I always come back to you”

“I love you too, you’re my world. Don’t you leave me ever?”

He pulled her in for a hug and silenced her with a kiss. Her lips felt like warm honey. He ran his fingers through her hairs and pulled her closer. He kissed her for a long time, holding her face in his hands.

“Mummy, mummy…” sounds of Aaliya screaming came from inside the apartment.

Tansi and Ritvik rushed inside only to find Aaliya playing with her grams.

“What happened, Aaliya? Why are you making noise? Tansi raised her voice.

“Mummy, grams don’t know who I am, I had asked her to play with me and she refused” Aaliya uttered showing signs of discontentment.

“Oho! Aaliya, why are you annoying your grams?” Ritvik said.

“Madam, do you know who she is?” Tansi said to Tiana, pointing to Aaliya.

“She is me!” Tiana smiled.

Lust.Lies.Betrayal

1:30 am.

Rohit, well-built under the black shirt, with messy black hair spiking on the top of his head, moved out from “Mamba” lounge, with his usual devil-may-care attitude, holding a cigarette in one hand and the other grasping Tina’s hand. Tina is pretty enough to attract second stares from boys. She wore a gorgeous black dress with a gold braided belt. Her hair is a rich shade of mahogany falling shiningly over her bosoms. Her eyes, framed by long lashes, are a bright, hazel colored and seemed to lighten up the world with untainted milky-white face.

“Damn you Rohit! Of all days, you find today to lend your Duke to Sahil and now there is no cab to drop me at my place,” Tina frowned ruffling through her hair. “Its okay love, stay at my place tonight,” Rohit said blowing a kiss to her.
“No, I won’t. I have work to wind up before class tomorrow.”
“Ah! C’mon, put it off,” Rohit winked at Tina.

The night was pitch black, with a few street dogs laying their eyes on the two as they stroll on the empty road. Lightning flashes provided the only dim lights on the somber night and they were answered by roars of low thunder. Tina was shaken up by the crashing sound and grasped Rohit’s left hand firmly. Rohit comforted her by cracking a joke or two about how she was being checked out by those boys with big eye-glasses back at pub.

Earlier that Evening. 7pm.

“What’s plans you got for tonight T?” Dev added over the phone.
Dev and Tina are in a relationship for past two years. As luck would have it, their relationship is on the rocks since sometime.
“I’m bored. I have been sleeping the whole day like a baby,” Tina answered.
“Where are your room-mates, Riya and Akriti?”
“They are pre-occupied with their committee work.”
(Pauses)
“I am going out with Rohit. He asked me to accompany him to Mamba Lounge.”
“Anybody else joining you two?”
“Na!”
“You won’t go out with him.”
“Don’t be naive Dev, he is just a friend, and I am going out with him.” Tina said, her voice loud hanging up the phone.

To her delight, Tina happened to catch a sight of an auto coming by their way. She yelled at the top of her voice “Auto! Auto!” “Uncle, how much to Electronics City?”
“300 Rupees, Ma’am.”
Rohit pulled Tina back, “Look Tina, It’s not safe to travel at this hour in an auto plus hardly a kilometer ahead and we reach my place.” “No, I need to reach college Rohit, please understand,” Tina retorted back.
“Make it 250 and it’s a deal,” Tina blurted out to the auto driver. Rohit was ill at ease to what she was doing. He knew, she was hanging in tough there. But he wanted to spend the night with her.
“Alright, I’m making it easier for you uncle, take this Rs. 400 and head wherever you are headed,” Rohit shouted out of the blue to the auto driver as he took the money from Rohit and made a quick exit from the place.

Her eyes were on stalks as she watched what Rohit did in disbelief. “Fuck you Rohit, you are unbelievable and mad. I hate you!” she yelled at him with raised eyebrows. 
“Yeah I am mad for you. You hate me, like you love me, eh!” affection gleamed in his large brown eyes and hugged her tight, “If you were a cactus, I would endure all the pain to hug you love!” “Uffo! Stop with your mushy lines already, Rohit,” she whispered feeling safe and comfortable in his hug.

They continued walking quietly holding each other hands through the empty lane and was about to reach Rohit’s apartment. Just then, it started pouring. The water poured down from the sky and met the ground with light pitter-patter sounds. Rohit gazed at Tina as water droplets fell on her eyes, her smile sparkling like stars flaunting on the dark night sky.

“It’s time to give up the ship, love!” Rohit said.
“No, no, no wait, just give it a second, it will clear up,” Tina exclaimed in excitement.
Rohit rested on her and whispered on her ears, “You are beautiful.”

Tina couldn’t help the rosy tint she had on her otherwise bubbly cheeks. She could hear the sound of heartbeats pounding inside his chest as his body started where she stopped. He looked into her eyes; in the moonlight, they looked almost red. They were so close they could spell the fragrances coming from each of their breaths. The warmth of her breath illuminated him up like a candle. He landed his lips on hers. At first it was gentle. She felt his tongue run across her bottom lip and she responded back opening her mouth to let their tongues explore each other’s mouths. She put her arms around him; he acknowledged lifting her up and pouring on her against the woods that was behind them, and kissed her by moving around in circles with so much passion and intensity that it was like she had seen stars. Her heart swelled, blood flowed swiftly, making her face as cherry as ever. He held her tighter, landing kisses wherever he could, on her face, neck, lips.

A moment later or so, she pushed him away.

"No way. This isn't happening." A single tear rolled down her cheek.
He pulled her against him, comforting her.

Silence prevailed. They moved inside the house which seemed like forever. As he locked the door, grabbing his shirt, she closed the gap between their lips with one swift movement. Things were no longer a need to be subtle. He brushed his fingers across her back, letting the straps of her dress fall. He pressed his lips into hers as they hit the dirt. She held his hand, did something, and put it on her breasts. Slowly and gently, they undress each other. All that was between them then was nothing but their gasps on fire blowing gently as they rested on each other.

Half an hour later, they lay on the bed spent but satisfied.

“That was incredible,” Rohit said in an understatement.
“I guess I am a bad girl now. Get me a fag please," Tina said. She got up and picked his shirt.
“Hey! That’s my shirt, you are dressed in,” Rohit pointed out, as he returned with black.
“I like it. It’s so comforting, it’s loose. Perfect!” Tina said lazily.

They spoke thereafter, for an hour or so, laying on the balcony as they lit up smokes watching over the clear dark sky, discussing sweet nothings until they buzzed off.

8:00 am.

The alarm in Tina’s phone woke Rohit up. He kissed her on forehead, “Good morning, it’s time to rise and shine love.”
Her eyes squinted shut trying to ward off the sun rays drifting in the dimly lit room through the windows. Be that as it may, the time on the wall clock blew her mind off. She jumped out of the bed and quickly put on her clothes.
“Wait, Tina, let me prepare a breakfast for you.”
“Thank you, but no, Rohit, I am late already. Did Sahil get back your bike, or do I have to take bus?”
“Not, so far.”
“Oh?” Tina said, striving for sarcastic facial expression. “Alright, then. I need to go. Please get me my phone, it’s on the other side of the bed.”
As Rohit went back to get her phone back, Dev was calling on her phone.
“Hello, T. Good morning,” Dev said
“Hi baby, Good morning,” Tina said as she began to leave Rohit’s place.
“Are you done with your assignment?”
“No, I need to get back to college first, I am already late”
“Aren’t you in room? Where are you?”
“Oh! It was raining last night, so I did spend the night at Rohit’s place.”
“You did what?”
“Do not over-react, Dev, I don’t have time for this, I need to reach college ASAP.”
“Did you guys sleep together?”
“You don’t have to be concerned, babe, you are better in bed than him. I am not leaving you for him,” Tina answered as she walked down the stairs.
“What did you just say?”
“Don’t you start early morning? You once shared your heart with Taniya, I was intoxicated last night, I am not going to lie, and I shared my body. Guess, which is bigger mistake?” Tina responded angrily as she hanged up and left the apartment.
Rohit, there in the back, stopped dead in the tracks, waiting to give her the hand watch which she forgot in his place. The words crushed Rohit beyond plausible levels. He stood rooted to the spot.
He went back to his place sometime later and locked the doors. He straightaway moved to the bathroom, washed his face off and picked up the phone.
“Hello there,” Rohit said.
“Hello yourself!”
“I am done. The sex video is ready for upload,” Rohit exclaimed in an evil grin.

My name is Y

"Hi, what's your name?" Said I
Said her, "My name is Y"
I was happy-go-lucky, she was shy
And it was like two birds in the clear blue sky

"Let's go out for dinner!" Said I
Said her, "I won't, don't ask why?"
I was down in gloom with her cry
And from there many a moons in the town we fly

"You are jumble of dazzling enigma!" Said I
Said her, "Oh dear! You are easy on the eye."
She giggled and chuckled at my jokes so balmy
And we rolled in the aisles with no care crazy

"With you, my universe seems divine!" Said I
Said her, "Don't get too close, my demons'll get you fry!"
My lips reached her jaw tracing the lines of her ears wholly
And we moved up the last half inch, our lips touched passionately

"You don't have to move away," said I
Said her, "As things go, I see only in Him heavenly."
And thence she into oblivion faded away
Without a swan-song and goodbye!

Love.Hope.

Last Sunday, I was there at ABM (multi-specialtyhospital) to meet one of my aunt who works there as a specialist. As I hanged around, for her to get free, I noticed an old couple with tattered clothes approaching the receptionist, asking for consultation with the doctor. At the beginning, I couldn’t help but thinking, how they can in frayed clothes enter in such a facility, and what’s more, asking for consultation without appointment. It came to me as complete surprise.

I heard the old man speaking to the receptionist that his better half had been seriously ill for a couple of days with high fever, nausea and that she was freezing since morning. The receptionist, there, did not pay any heed to the man, what he was explaining, apart from saying, he wasn’t allowed there, and he should leave the place right away, or else she would be forced to call the security. The man, right there, sat on the floor and started begging with both his hand folded pleading to get his wife treated. It was like time stood still. Security was being called. They were
being dragged. Every person stood in silence without doing anything. I was dumb-founded at this sight.

The next moment, I found myself drawing near to them, and picked the old man up with both hands and hugged him. Thereafter, I forced the security, out of there after much deliberation, and assured them, that I would take care of them. We sat on an empty bench and I called my aunt right there for appointment of the couple with a consultant. The consultant confirmed me that he would look into them, right after sometime. He expressed his gratitude to me, “I am indebted to you son, I wish every parents have a child like you.” I asked silently, “Uncle, do you stay here alone?” wanting to know more about them. I got nothing but cold shoulders from them.

The lady slept on her husband’s shoulders.

He said, “Fifty years ago, a girl from our group in college asked me to hold her hand for help. Her eyes flashed into mine and she asked me, ‘Will you let me go?’ I gave her an innocent smile and replied ‘Never!’ I haven't let her go, until now and won’t until I go way of all flesh”

He asked me, “So, what brings you here?”

I said, “I stay here in Pune and came to visit my aunt in the hospital”

“Do you work here in Pune, or?” asked the old man in curiosity.

I replied “Uncle, I study MBA first year in SCMHRD.”

“Oh that one in Hinjewadi, Infotech Campus, right?” said the old man, to which I nodded.

“So I am sure you will get a good job after that and then probably abroad in a few years.” I smiled “Oh, yes! That’s what I am hoping for.”

I was little taken aback with his questions, because I wasn’t sure, how come this man, can possibly have so much idea about MBA. There you go, I thought I needed to know answers.

I asked him, “Uncle, why do you ask me that whether I am getting job and moving overseas?”

By that time, their appointment call had come and they had to enter. He silently,
woke his lady up.

He replied,”Before I go, I would say two things to you, first, whatever you do in life, do it with all you might, make your parents proud, and second, I have a son who is MBA graduate from SIBM, and I haven’t heard from him in years, hoping we can see him before our demise," and left the place with a smile.

There I stood speechless.

Rise, every time you fall.

Hi, mom. How you doing? I really need to talk to you. It's been days I haven't spoken to you. I am having a pretty rough week so far.

The week got going with me being late for the meet I told you last sunday. They were infuriated, I was yelled at. But, I remained cool, just like the way you opened my eyes when I was back home maddened at papa for being hard at us. So, I maintained my nerves and started working for the important week ahead of me, you know right? Monday passed away without any fruitful results, all the same for Tuesday. Did I mention I missed both breakfast and lunch for the days because of all the ruckus and I was stressed. I know you want to beat me to pulp now hearing this, but, mom, please understand, I had to, I was on edge only to find out later that I went down swinging.

Today, I started on a positive note, thinking I would crack the exam and get through all this, make you proud. But, I was behind the eighth ball and it all came to nothing towards the end of the day. I was psyched up and on empty stomach. So, I came back to hostel to grab some quick bite. And it started raining, coming down in buckets and I had no umbrella. You know, how that area near hostel is slippery like a skating rink.
Just when I lost my balance and went down only to get hold of the light post, and I realized, it was only you, who come to rescue like every other single time from falling down again, keeping watch on me from the heavens asking me to rise every time I fall.

Her!

She was playing, carefree, jovial lost in her own world, when she heard her mumma and papa talking about her.

"Who will take care of the little one, while you join office?" Papa said, tearing open the sachet of sugar and mixing it for mumma.

"We will keep babysitter. And sometime I can work from home too." Mumma said changing the channel to her favourite tv show.

"You going to keep some babysitter for the baby?" Papa said, his voice loud, "I can't believe you just said that? Who will feed then? Who will take the responsibility of looking after the baby while we will be away at office"

"Don't over react Sid. Be practical." Mumma retorted back as Papa cut her off.

"Oh! Please. Look who is saying? Don't you want your baby to have the best care? Why can't you leave your job, and join later, may be when the baby grows up"

"You want me to leave my career? What? Why can't you? Why it has to be her always and not him, huh?" Mumma said switching off the TV.

"That's ridiculous, Aisha! It's not about him or her. You are the mother. You should be with the baby until grows up to her age and should be under your care, Why can't you get this straight into your head." Papa said in anger.

"Relax, Sid. I am not leaving our little one. I just said, I will join office, while every now and then I will work from home. In the meantime, babysitter will be here to take care, right?. Otherwise, why can't you call ma, huh?", she pauses, "Tell me, Why a girl has to drop her career time and again because she is a girl? You male species, it's in your genes, you, your priorities, your preferences" Mumma smirked.

It was slow-burn. Papa was fuming with anger and hit Mumma on her face as she fell on the ground flat, with tears rolling down both on her cheeks.

She spent quite a few, many a moon and sun in this crazy world where God has left long ago, before her eternal rest, before she could see her mumma and papa, before her birth.

Don't go

He was quite disappointed with her, the girl whom he loves like crazy and melted. It was her birthday and things were going as planned before the coming of misunderstanding between them. It was quarter past eight, she was waiting for him in nearby coffee shop. He was supposed to pick her up from there to dinner of his choice. 

His cigarettes are running one after another as he waits impatiently for her to miss him. He murmurs to himself, "Talk to me, Even if it's silence, I'm totally okay with it. Just be here, love". He knows by heart, she was speaking all with fury, and she never meant what she spoke.

"I hate you, Adi! You can be so annoying. It has been more than half an hour, I am holding up all dressed up and you must be busy partying with your friends. It is always about you, your priorities, your preferences always and mine? Seven years, Adi, seven fucking years, and it's me who always have to meet you. Do you even want to...? Leave it, just forget it", she shouted at him. 

"Do you really think, I would do that, I can't believe you just said that. Will you ask, what took me so long?", he replied. 

"No, I don't. You know what, when I will leave, you will understand why storms are named after people?", she answered, as she had begun to leave frantically.

He hadn't reciprocated to her words, kissed her on forehead and whispered, "One day, we will never have to say goodbye, only goodnight". He gasped for air, straining to hold back the tears and checked his pocket for the ring he had bought for her.

He is worried stiff, asking himself what taking her so long as he furiously checks her cellphone for her to call. At that moment, the phone rang, "Tring! Tring!" It was her, he was all puffed up, gleeful. He picked it up but to his dismay, the voice at the other end wasn't Ria's.

The voice says (breaking), "I'm... I'm sorry, Can you please come over? There has been an accident"